The Week After: Emotion de Jour

This is almost the hardest time, when the reality is starting to sink in with painful effects. The result of last Tuesday's bad Hollywood movie with excellent special effects.

One thing I love the most about living in Manhattan, is being able to cover all my errands by walking no more than a (long) 2-3 block radius. Now, on every corner building are stabbing reminders of all the beautiful young (and older) folks, the radiant and personal portraits of individuals who are/were so loved by other real people, bringing to mind the hundreds—thousands—who are grieving so very, very deeply. Everyone I've bumped into in the last few days has a best friend who lost a son or daughter or husband or wife.

The smoke still rises in the near distance out my window, from where the monoliths stood. My window now frames the plumes, dramatizing a full view with the recent removal of my A/C from the lower half. More frequent hints of Fall in the air add to my confused mix of emotions and muddled expectations.

Every day gives rise to a different emotion. Two days ago was befuddlement and yesterday, agitation. It took me two hours to get things sorted enough to make it out the door to meet with a friend of Dylan's (my son, who slept in on 9/11, the morning he was supposed to consult below Canal Street) who is helping me develop a new promo video—a request from my literary agent, who hopes to get me onto a major talk show. How do these actors in Broadway shows—the lucky ones whose shows won't shut down—up their energy to continue on, so soon?)

The day before, anger was the emotion de jour. I really snapped at the young sales gal who mindlessly yammered with one of the well-known local accents, "We jes' need to sen' alla da Palestin-ians, da Jew-ses, and da Muslums outa heah!"

"And you keep talking like that and people are going to want to ship you out," I snapped. "And where are you from?" I added, topping off with my own emotional projectile.

And then I see the glory of the bigger plan, the tons of souls who will awaken spiritually from this calamity, who already are asking life-changing questions about life's meaning, their meaning, all the while looking for a Higher Power to embrace them and make sense of this. So many people are already are reaching deeper into their hearts to participate in and contribute to this lifetime in more meaningful, wholesome and enriching ways. So many are so ready to toss out all that that they have made their God.

We'll see what tomorrow brings.