When is being fair not being spiritual?

Submitted by seagoddess on August 15, 2003 - 8:58am. Living A Happier Life

I have an important question to ask about a very difficult situation. Given that my husband's business has seriously declined, he recently won a revised settlement with his ex-wife that reduced her monthly stipend from £750 to £250 per month. We helped her to get an interest only mortgage and basically, agreed to pay it. At the hearing the judge said that if they can't work this out among themselves, the case will need to go to a 2 1/2 hr trial. He also said that obviously, the problem is the she needs money, he doesn't have any money, and that the law can't make a man pay what he doesn't have.

We had a great deal of compassion and offered her £250 to pay her mortgage so she doesn't loose her house even though we still have a £979 per month negative cash flow after that reduction. We also offered her a free cruise that I had purchased, since now she won't be able to afford to go on holiday.

We recently discovered that my husband's step-father who hasn't spoken to him since his mother left him 2 years ago emailed my two stepdaughters, badmouthing their father/my husband. Obviously, he was very hurt and angry. He called her, demanding an apology by noontime for this OR they WILL go to trial on August 28th and she may get nothing.

What do you think is the spiritual answer here? We believe in compassion and give and receive and all that but we don't think it is spiritual to let yourself be abused either. I'd appreciate an opinion on this!

Thanks,
Seagoddess

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Compassion, honesty and spirituality

Submitted by illuminator on August 15, 2003 - 9:02am.

There is certainly no honesty in compassion—and the intent or effort to extend it— when actions contradict true feelings. That is, when one acts in a way that he/she considers to be "spiritual" and that behavior falsely represents the emotions and truth behind the behavior, truth and authenticity will certainly be lacking. How can that action be "spiritual?"

We are here to play it all out and address the emotions that arise from our personal issues, observing the triggers and processing the causes and the effects, rather than overriding reality with spiritual posturing. Where does that get anyone, except down an alleyway of greater deception, resentment and misunderstanding.

I support your husband in speaking his truth and standing up for what he feels is unfair. He can be an example to his daughters by further communicating his truth to them in the context of "please remember that there are always two sides," and in a way that doesn't demean their mother. Then he will be a wonderful example of how to deal with conflict in a very real—and at the same time—higher way. He has to trust that the love that he and his children have established will keep their ship afloat, even when it scrapes upon a few reefs along the way.

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The Purpose of "Ex's"

Submitted by ClaireVoyant on August 29, 2003 - 6:23am.

I've decided that if we're meant to grow here—really grow!—then many of us who intend to do so are assigned eventual ex-wives and ex-husbands. They become our greatest teachers. Fer shure!

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