I ate more ice cream in the two weeks following 9/11 than I've consumed in the past 10 years. Hagen Daas: Vanilla Swiss Almond and Mint Chip in a sugar cone. I took note of this somewhat addictive behavior one morning, when I noticed very dark circles appearing under my eyes—accompanied by a dull headache—since that disastrous day. I normally eat wisely, and I haven't experienced headaches since I started meditating ("checking in with headquarters") almost 30 years ago.
Lately, haunting images delay my sleep at night, until, after a few prayers, I consciously breathe into my self-healing-cleansing-relaxation visualization and drift off for at least six hours—only one or two short of my usual rest requirement. No, the dark circles were not from sleep deprivation, but from too much dairy and sugar, consumed in orgy quantities.
That same morning, one self-observation followed another, such as a recent tendency to trip on craggy sidewalks and bump toes and knees on objects that are normally unobtrusive. I'd forget what I had walked to the other side of a room to retrieve. I was not naïve about the stress reactions that hundreds of we New Yorkers are experiencing, as well as anyone who has watched the TV coverage around the country—around the world.
Reflecting on my less-conscious choices and unfocused behavior one morning last week, I surrendered to the Source in meditation, and asked, "Show me what I need to know, (gently!)"—a familiar suggestion that I often make to clients and audiences—and I asked "What is the truth about all this?"
It came to me, that after observing daily reports from "ground zero"—and the resulting aftermath—that a major part of me had "left the building." A dastardly campaign invaded our country, and I was feeling not so much fearful, but rather, that all of this was bigger than I. I was operating in a way that would appear that I'd relinquished a portion of my own personal, spiritual space to the affects of a force that is not greater than my connection to the Source! There is no one and no thing that is greater.
Not occupying my personal premises—distracted by the horror—I let "out there," override my better choices for my personal well-being, caught in the undertow of mass overwhelm. I would still be the one to wake up with dark circles and dull headaches the morning after unconscious eating. I would still be left to hobble about after a spill, not focused on where I was on the street—or in my body.
Since then, I have factored in my resolve to stay in my personal power. I'm back to greater ease in accessing my Spiritual Warrior Self, with necessary doses of compassion and patience with my Mortal one. I'm still dealing with what everyone around me is also challenged by—but certainly not to the degree as of so many who are hurting so terribly. I feel greater intent to stay present, occupying my true and allotted space on earth, fully. Increased strength and faith will be my reward.
I encourage you to simply observe (without judgment) the moments when you sacrifice a present one to what feels bigger and meaner, unexpected and unholy. And be gentle and respectful with your Selves.
All the while, it amazes me that there is still a Higher, more expanded, highly intuitive, overseeing part of my consciousness that continues to operate, unfazed by all of this. That aspect of your Timeless Self will continue to be in tune and to thrive in these times, while all that is not divinely inspired or in truth—illusionary—in our world, is falling away.
Last week I did a consultation for a new client who was referred by a co-worker. Both employees work for a disaster agency. They are currently in town, assigned to the "site." I had read her co-worker last month in Chicago, a long-time client who I'd only "met" over the phone all these years. She drove 6 hours from her home in order to finally meet with me in person. I felt honored, to say the least.
When the Twin Towers went down, I had a vague recollection of having viewed the scene of "a tree or tall building" falling in several consultations that week in Chicago, as well as in a consultation I gave the night before the disaster at the NYC Marriott hotel, uptown. At the time, I interpreted the images more as a time-sequence signpost, rather than imminent disaster. "And after a tall tree or building falls, you'll be..."
I remembered that context within which I relayed this information. That is, when I did happen to mention these images—rather than discarding them for others that seemed more important. When I reach the moment of "downloading" collected information in consultations, I have to decided how to select and arrange the information in the order of what appears to be most significant. As my apprentices learn, most information comes in neutral. The interpretation that we give it, is unavoidably filtered by our own repertoire of experiences. Terrorism has not been part of mine.
I asked my new client if her friend (my old client) heard me mention that image in her reading, unable to recall whether I had happened to give it emphasis.
"Yes!" she said. "She listened again to the tape and heard you saying that after tall building with a tall antenna (you weren't sure what the antenna was) falls, that she would be working by water. That's where she is today, at the site."
Trust your increasing expansion into the highly intuitive being that you're here to become. Stay focused and observant of the moments when you get caught in the undertow of consensus reality, going momentarily unconscious and surrendering to less wise—even self-destructive—options for yourself, instead taking the Higher road. Yes, it may take a smidgeon of self-discipline.
Come back into the present moment and out of fear by feeling gratitude for anything that you can bring to mind—a most powerful antidote. Then raise your own, personal antenna and let the Universe transmit to you and allow the Source work through you. Make more conscious and deliberate choices and you'll feel so much better in the morning!